Somewhat Cool

Meanest Mom in the World: Her Dream (date: 04/27/10)

The other day I had a dream. I dreamt that Ari was throwing out the sandwiches that I made him for lunch. This upset me for two reasons. First, I didn’t like to see all my hard sandwich making work going out the window, or rather into the trash bin. Second, we buy Ari fancy, schmanzy turkey for his sandwiches to make them extra tasty. This turkey costs a pretty penny. Actually, it’s pretty damn expensive. In my mind I had a vivid picture of Ari casually strolling over to the trash bin and cavalierly tossing his sandwich in. He even had a smile on his face while he was doing it. I could feel my face burning and felt my hands trembling with fury. I wanted to wipe that smile off the face of the earth. I woke up screaming. It was a horrible, twisted dream.

You may wonder why I’m telling YOU this. Well… I can tell when Ari doesn’t eat his sandwich when he comes home with the sandwich still in his lunch box. But what I don’t know is whether Ari tosses his sandwich at lunch. That’s why I need YOUR help. I need YOU to tell me if Ari is tossing his sandwich at lunch time. If you EVER see Ari tossing his turkey sandwich at lunch, I NEED to know. Don’t you want to see that smirk gone from his face for good? Please use the chat box to tell me.

Meanest Mom in the World (date: 01/29/10)

Well I think that it's time that you guys found out the truth. How did I really become the "Meanest Mommy in the World"? First of all, Ari is going to tell you that everything I'm writing here didn't happen. Well let me go on record to tell you that it really did. He will probably delete it. So I doubt that you'll actually have a chance to read it.

Here goes anyway. Well it started several years ago with a series of "unfortunate incidents". First, there was the time that I made him a PBJ sandwich for lunch. I put the peanut butter on the right side of the bread and the jam on the left. Made him mad. Really, really mad. All kids want the peanut butter on the left side and the jam on the right side. Apparently this caused him a major embarassment at lunch time. He felt that this was incredibly mean of me. Something that I did to deliberately embarrass him. Even meaner is when I put an orange in his lunch box instead of a twinkie. Next, came the time when I forgot to pick up the socks that he had left on the couch. Talk about being deliberately mean. To top it off, I didn't sharpen his pencils that night either! Then there was the time that I put toothpaste on Ari's toothbrush, but I forgot to put water on it first to soften up the bristles.

Like I said, I doubt that any of you will every read this -- Ari has his sticky fingers on the delete button. And if you do, Ari will tell you over & over again that this is not why he calls me the "Meanest Mommy in the World". He'll claim that none of this is true. Time to get out that knife.